Akatsuki Valentine's Day
by animal.cracker.assassinator
Summary: The Akatsuki capture both Naruto and Gaara on Valentine's day... what is going to happen to our favorite ninja? What happens when the story continues? Will the Akatsuki finally crack? Random pairings
1. Chapter 1

**So here is a story that my friend and i made up while playing with stuffed animals. hope ya like it!!**

The Akatsuki were exhausted! Well at least as exhausted as you can imagine the Akatsuki could get. They had just captured both Naruto and Gaara, the two demon vessels. But they weren't tiered enough NOT to notice the newly decorated meeting room.

Hidan: Why -censored- hell are we -censored- doing in a –censored censored- bright -censored- pink and red -censored- room!

He said observing the now Valentine's Day themed room. All the Akatsuki were shocked when Konan entered through another door. (Oh yeah she hadn't gone with them) Everyone was now over their shock and most of them were glaring at Konan, the room wasn't like this when they left.

Tobi: Hidan is a baaaaaaaaaad boy!!!

Kisame: The colors! They burn!!!! I think I am going blind!!

Itachi: Was that a blind joke!

Itachi attempted to glare at his fishy friend, but failed miserably to due to his now extremely damaged eyes.

Konan: Itachi you should probably get your eyes checked by a medic-nin…Kisame! And just what is wrong with the colors!

Deidara: Nice going shark boy!

Kisame: And just what was that supposed to mean!

Deidara: Exactly what you thought it meant!

Pein: Shut up you idiotic minions!

Everyone glared at Pein, well except Itachi who accidentally glared at Sasori. Pein realized that it probably wasn't a good thing to yell something like that at the organization that kills hundreds of people a year, even if you are the leader.

Pein: Ummm…well, yeah…why did you decorate this way?

Konan: Oh you silly goose! It's Valentine's Day!

Tobi: What's Valentine's Day?

Deidara: Well Valentine's Day is the day that lovers get together and tell them how special the other is to them.

Tobi: I see, so Pein and Konan are going to do that?

Pein: TOBI!!!

Konan: Well that was one of the reason I did all this.

Sasori: So what was the other?

Konan: I feel we have all been distant so it is for bonding.

Itachi: Okay I'm leaving.

As Itachi was groping for the exit there was a huge explosion that knocked a gaping hole through the wall. All the Akatsuki members, but Itachi because of his eyes, looked at Deidara.

Deidara: I swear it wasn't me!

Tobi: It's not nice to stare Deidara.

Then out of the dust still hanging in the air, coming from where the hole was made a voice called out.

?: Yeah and it's also not nice to kidnap.

Kisame: Who is that?

Sasori: NO! IT CAN'T BE!!!

A pink haired ninja, obviously, stepped out of the shadows and into the light. She was wearing a leaf forehead protector.

Sasori: YOU!!!!

Sakura: It's nice to see you too Sasori, wait didn't I kill you?

All the Akatsuki member, but Itachi again, looked at Sasori dumbfounded. Sakura noticed Itachi was having trouble seeing.

Sakura: We're here to get Naruto and Gaara back, and Itachi can you see anything?

Itachi: What do you mean by 'we', and I can see perfectly!

The others stepped out from the hole in the wall as Itachi seemed to be talking to the opposite wall. Others meaning: Kakashi, Ino, Temari, Kankuro, Shikamaru, Chouji, Lee, Kiba, Hinata, Tenten, Neji, Shino, and even Sasuke.

Ino: BROTHER!!!!

Deidara: SISTER!!!!

Everyone else: O.o

Sasuke: Wait is that Itachi!?!? Didn't I kill you?

Itachi: Sorry 'bout your luck mate. Foolish brother you will die!

Everyone watched as Itachi threw some sharp pointy objects at Kisame and Hidan. They both ran away screaming.

Kisame: Itachi, what's with the accent?

Hidan: You mother -censored- you are -censored- thowing –censored censored censored- at us not your –censored- son of a –censored censored- brother!!

Sakura: Ummm…I know this will probably get me in trouble, but Itachi I can heal your eyes.

Sasuke: What are you doing Sakura!?!? He's will just turn around and kill you if you do that!

Itachi: I can see perfectly!!

Everyone else: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT…

Itachi: Fine, you can look at my eyes.

Everyone watched intently as Sakura timidly approached Itachi. Her hand started growing a pale green and she placed it over both of his eyes. A few minutes later she stepped back, a few beads of sweat sticking to her face.

Sakura: There, I think that should do it.

Itachi opened his eyes and was about ready to kill everyone in the room because he couldn't see, but once he realized he could see he dropped his weapons. They hit the floor with a clatter as he looked into the medic-nin's eyes.

Itachi: Wow my brother really must be gay if you are the Sakura that has been chasing after him for however many years.

Sasuke: STOP HITTING ON MY SQUAD MEMBER!!!

Itachi: Well maybe she wants me too since you never showed her any affection.

Itachi smirked as Sasuke was getting even angrier that his brother was hitting on the girl that he planned to revive the clan with, love or not. Sakura just stood there blushing madly. The other were watching in amusement.

Deidara: Now that I take a moment she is really HOT!

Ino: Stop drooling over my best friend!

Kisame: She is pretty hot…

Zestu: She is prettier than a rose!

Lee: Obviously!!!

Temari: Hey are we going to just stand here and party or are we going to get back Naruto and Gaara!

Tenten: Yeah lets party!!!

Kakashi: I'm sure that's not what she meant.

But it was too late, for the weapon mistress had blasted the radio and pulled Neji out to dance, well she was the only one dancing considering Neji is embarrassed beyond belief.

Lee: Yes let us dance YOUTHFULLY!!!

Tobi, Ino, Deidara, Chouji, Kankuro, Kiba, Hinata, Kisame and Zestu all started dancing. Sasuke and Itachi were attempting to talk Sakura into dancing with them; Pein was being drug out of the room by Konan. Shikamaru and Temari were trying to figure out a way to rescue Naruto and Gaara like they were supposed to. Sasori was eventually forced into the dancing mass of people, so was Hidan and Shino.

Somehow without Temari and Shikamaru's help both Naruto and Gaara appeared and joined in the dancing. Shikamaru and Temari joined in knowing their comrades were safe, and Sakura, after a long debate went and danced with Itachi as Sasuke sulked in the corner being the gay emo he is.

A slow song came on and Tenten started dancing with Neji, Shikamaru danced with Temari, Chouji and Ino danced, Hinata was dancing with Kiba, Sakura danced with Itachi and Naruto and Sasuke were dancing. Deidara went and asked Sasori to dance and Kakashi talked with Tobi while Gaara was consuming all the cookies in sight. This left Zestu, Kisame, Lee, Kankuro and Shino. Kankuro and Kisame snickered and snuck off to plan on how to be the perverts they are while Shino and Zestu talked. Lee went and dance by himself.

All the couples, who were straight, seemed to disappear after that song. Everyone else noticed and was going to go look for them, but was stopped by the 'good boy'. that pretty much left the others only able to imagine what they were doing. They eventually came back though.

Kakashi: Okay well we better head out; don't want Tsunade thinking we were killed. See ya later Akatsuki and happy Valentine's Day!

Akatsuki member: Yeah same to you guys.

The Leaf and Sand ninja left and went back to their own villages. The Akatsuki were going to retreat for the night but Pein stopped.

Pein: They took the demon vessels with them didn't they?

**hope ya thought it was amusing. REWIEW PLEASE!!! It would give me a smile like this -- :D**

**i'm thinking about making it a story and not just a one shot, but i will leave that to the reviewers.**

**PEACE, LOVE, and SKITTLES!!!**

**Jam**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey I am back with more ways to hang with the Akatsuki!! Thanks to ****Ri-16-Chan for the idea!!**

It was a special day in the Akatsuki hide out, well no one knew, or so Itachi thought. It was Itachi's 21th birthday, and he had easily been able to push that thought away since he hated parties anyway. He had just finished a solo mission to assassinate some big shot dojo owner and was in his room looking at random pictures he had picked up. Why? Because he could no see thanks to one of his brothers ex-stalkers. Yup he was enjoying his time by himself, too bad he didn't know about the horrors to await him in a few hours.

In the other end of the Akatsuki hide out, Kisame was talking to everyone about Itachi's birthday…

Kisame: We need to throw Itachi a birthday party.

Sasori: Why?

Kisame: Because he is turning 21 and he will legally be able to drink!!

Pein: I am going to guess there will be sake?

Tobi: NOO!! SAKE IS BAD!!

Deidara: Did Tsunade tell you that?

Tobi: Yes!

Zestu: That's so she could drink it herself!

Hidan: We should -censored- get his -censored- girlfriend to come for the -censored- party.

Kisame: That's a great idea! I'll go get her and some of her friends to come; we had so much fun last time they were here!

Konan: Fine but you better not get so drunk I have to put you all to bed.

Everyone else in the room: YAY!!!

Kisame: Well I better go—

Kisame was interrupted by the door bell ringing. Everyone stared at the door.

Hidan: In the name of Jashin, why the –censored censored- did we get a -censored- door bell!?!?

Pein: Konan said it would be best.

BING BONG DING DONG

Konan: Is any one actually going to get the door!

When no one moved Konan stood up and walked to the door. Sighing she swung the door open to a group ninja. The one who rand the door bell had pink hair and was carrying a present.

Konan: SAKURA!!!

Sakura: KONAN!!!

The two girls hugged and then everyone came into the now semi-crowded meeting room. That consisted of: Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Kakashi, Naruto, and Sasuke. There were hugs and pats on the back and a series of 'BROTHER!!' 'SISTER!!'

Konan: So why are you here?

Sakura: Well Sasuke told me it was Itachi's birthday so I gathered everyone up and drug them up here.

Konan: How did you get Sasuke, Naruto, and Gaara here?

Sakura: Some ramen, hair gel, a teddy bear, a really large hammer and some chakra strings, how else?

So with that they all put the presents in a corner and decorated. When they were done with that they all changed into their party outfits. Sakura was led by Konan to Itachi's room and then Konan left Sakura to work her magic. Sakura knocked on the door and plastered a smile on her face as the door opened, revealing a shirtless Itachi. In his shock he slammed the door in her face, hitting her forehead. She knocked again angrily and it opened once more to a fully clothed Itachi.

Sakura: Thanks for the head injury.

Itachi: Sorry about that. What are you doing here?

Sakura: To wish you a happy birthday silly! –she said while hugging him- And now to go party.

Itachi who was still dumbfounded that his girlfriend was here nodded his head and followed her. They entered a dark meeting room when Itachi was finally able to comprehend the words she had told him and he started to panic. Sakura noticed his attitude change and gripped his hand with wrist snapping strength. Itachi struggled to get out. He lied on the ground digging his fingers into the floorboard to try to stop her advance, but she just kept dragging him further ripping out several floorboards in the process. Itachi went in for a last resort and started to chew his arm. That's when Sakura lost it.

Sakura: Oh so you don't want to spend time with me!

Itachi: No I do but—

Sakura: Right, and next you are going to attempt to convince me you don't have a better looking girlfriend than me too!

Itachi: No I don't but—

Sakura: I knew it!! You are cheating on me!

Itachi: Never! But I really—

Sakura: No need to explain! I will just leave!

As she reached the door Itachi spun her around.

Itachi: I would never cheat on you!

Sakura: Good, then…

The light turn on and everyone jumps out and screams "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ITACHI!!"

Itachi: AHHHHHH!!!! –hides behind Sakura-

Kisame: So why didn't you want us to know it was your birthday?

Itachi: PARTIES!!! FUN!!! SWEETS!!! IT BURNS!!! –starts twitching and scratching his arms-

Ino: You big baby…WHO WANTS TO PLAY A GAME!!!

Itachi: EEEPP!! –runs into a closet-

Tenten: Then it is decided, we shall play 7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN!!!

Sakura: Lets have him open his gifts instead…

Kisame: Awww…

Deidara: No fair…

Hidan: Fine then…

Tobi: WHAT?! SAKURA DOESN'T WANT TO BE A GOOD GIRL?!?!

Pein: Apparently not…

Naruto: Wait so does than mean when he says good he really means bad and when he says bad he really means good making us fall even further into his evil mind tricks? Wait but since they're evil mind tricks does that mean they are really not evil? Which could mean instead of him being a good person in a bad organization he is really a bad person in a good organization?!?!

Everyone: O.o

Gaara: Do you have any cookies?

Konan: Yeah…

Chouji: How about barbeque chips?

Konan: Yes why?

Gaara and Chouji look at each other and race to the snack table. Itachi peeks out of the closet.

Itachi: Is it over yet?

Sakura: No not get your schmexy little butt out here and open presents! –she said while dragging him out and sitting him in a chair in the middle of the room-

Sasuke: Wait did you just say he has a sexy butt?

Neji: No she said he has a smexy butt.

Lee: NO YO ARE BOTH WRONG SHE SAID HE HAS A SCHEXY BUTT!!!

All the while Sakura was blushing a red that could put Hinata to shame. Itachi would be blushing except for the fact he is an Uchiha. But then he remembered he practically just wore a giant flashing sign saying "Itachi can show fear" a few moments ago. Wow embarrassing I would think so!

So Itachi opened the present, and they each would remind him of them. A poison from Sasori, clay form Deidara, swimming dear from Kisame, a sticker from Tobi, a cuss word dictionary from Hidan, Ramen from Naruto, an electric fan from Temari, war paint from Kankuro, a book from Hinata, a "How to Watch Clouds for Dummies" guide from Shikamaru, spandex from Lee, sunglasses from Shino, a coupon for chips from Chouji, a guide to understand animals from Kiba, a mission off from Pein, soap from Konan, and leftovers from Zestu. Kakashi gave him an Icha Icha book, Sasuke gave him, or attempted to give him, a punch in the face, a jar of dirt from Gaara, a very sharp object from Tenten, a scroll from Neji, ax from Ino, and a kiss from Sakura.

Itachi: Umm…thanks?

Everyone: YOUR WELCOME!!!

Tobi grabbed Sasuke's iPod (because I say he has one) and plugged it into speakers, turning on the firs song on his playlist. Out of the speakers came the well known Hannah Montana song "G.N.O"

Neji: You listen to Hannah Montana -smirks-

Sasuke: -sweating and avoiding everyone's eyes- N-no I-I put th-that on for S-Sakura…

Sakura: EWW! I hate her! She is such a wanna be, just like Ino!

Ino: You know you want to be just like me –struck a schmexy pose-

Hidan: FOR THE LOVE OF JASHIN, PICK ANOTHER -censored- SONG!!!

Tobi switched the song and now it turns to Show Me Love by T.A.T.U.

Hinata: I-I-I love th-this song.

Lee: ME TOO!!!

The room gets eerily silent and Itachi attempts to escape the madness. He was so close too, but He was yet again dragged back by Sakura. To save everyone from the songs from Sasuke's iPod, Tenten plugged hers in and the first thing that came on was Paralyzer by Finger Eleven. Everyone started dancing with the exception of a few such as Konan who was chasing Chouji and Gaara around for almost eating Itachi's cake.

Kisame gave Itachi a drink and before they knew what happened everyone there was drunk. That of course was with the exception of Kisame and Kakashi who where videotaping as blackmail, or to sell it to some kid who wanted fame on youtube or a famous producer, whoever paid them the most.

They eventually all passed out and when they woke up they were in really awkward positions, you know like upside down on the couch or hanging off the ceiling fan. They looked over to see Kisame and Kakashi watching something on youtube. They went over see what it was and realized, horror struck it was what happened last night, and that wasn't even the worst part…IT HAD BEEN WATCHED BY OVER 3 MILLION VEIWERS!!! Kisame and Kakashi laughed at their shocked faces, only to be stopped by the multiple death glares. They looked at each other and pointed to each other.

Kakashi and Kisame: IT WAS HIS IDEA!!!

And with that they ran in different directions back to their own villages, or room, with their friends or students chasing after them. That was the end of that…or was it…

**Yup I am going to continue this but I need suggestions. So if you want to see something funny happen review and tell me and I will write a chapter about it!!**

**I lurv you all!!**

**Jam**


	3. Chapter 3

**HAHAHA I am back yet again with another suggestion from Ri-16-Chan!!! MUAHAHAHA!! Yes annoying the Akatsuki is fun, you should try it too!!**

It had been a few weeks since Itachi's birthday and WOW had they gotten a lot of fan mail…and the best part, or worst part, was Pein was furious!!!

Pein: WHAT IS WITH ALL THE FAN MAIL!!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET HIDE OUT!!!

Konan: Pein calm down, it's not like a huge fan from that youtube video is going to jump through the window and declare today a national holiday.

Deidara: That was really random Konan.

BOOM!!! The window broke open and a girl with waist length red hair jumped through and landed on Kisame's lap.

Hidan: WHAT THE—

Tobi: Who are you?

The girl stood up and shouted: My name is Rika Utari and I officially declared today Rika Utari Day!!! Bow at my feet peasants!!!

Sasori: Nice job Konan. I bet you said that on purpose.

Konan: Well it's not like the Leaf ninja are here with her…

Rika: Oh yeah!! Come in guys!!

Yup so the Leaf ninja that were at Itachi's birthday all climbed through the window, and yet again we were chorused with a series of "BROTHER!!!" "SISTER!!!". When that was over Rika walked over to the table, stood on it looked at everyone.

Rika: Because today has been declared Rika Utari Day, all of you must do exactly what I say!!

Itachi: Why should I do what you say.

Rika: If you don't I will steal all of your nail polish!

Itachi: NEVER!!!

Sakura: Oh by the way Itachi can you do my nails later?

Itachi: Yup!!!

Sasuke: Why can't I do your nails!?!?

Tenten: Because last time it ended up on my face!!

Neji: You put nail polish on Tenten's face…-smirk-

Hinata: N-Neji, y-you can't p-paint nails t-to s-save your l-life.

Kiba: Neji…painting nails…I can't even begin to imagine.

Shino: Kiba speaking of painting nails can I see Akamaru for a minute?

Kiba: What does that have to do with nails?

Shino: You will see… -picks up Akamaru and shows Kiba his nails- Your sister likes to play dress up with Akamaru…

Lee: WHAT IS SO WRONG ABOUT YOUTHFULLY PAINTING NAILS?

Ino: It's weird for guys to paint nails…

Deidara: INO!!

Ino: Oh well except for the Akatsuki.

Rika: GRRR! Now do my biddings peasants!! I want Itachi to paint my nails, Sasori to put on a puppet show, and Tobi to get me a lollipop!!

Kisame and Kakashi: Lollipop…-giggles pervertedly-

Rika: EEWWW!! Scratch that, I don't want a lollipop anymore…

Tobi: Why? Is Tobi not a good boy? –anime tears-

Rika: Umm well…it's hard to explain…but Tobi is a good boy!!

Tobi: So I need to get you a lollipop?

Kisame and Kakashi: Lollipop…-giggles pervertedly-

Konan: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!!!

Naruto: Sound like someone is in the middle of the certain time of the month…

Sakura: You idiot!! Come back here so I can strangle you for Konan!!!

Sakura and Konan chase Naruto around the room. Everyone watches in amusement.

Rika: This is better than a puppet show any day!! Itachi, paint my nails faster!! Kisame I want some goldfish!!

Kisame: NO NOT NEMO!!! -faints-

Tenten: -hitting forehead- The cracker you idiot…

Rika: You are my new best friend!!

Tenten: Yeah!!!

Lee and Neji: But I thought we were your best friends Tenten!!!

Rika: TOO BAD WHAT I SAY GOES!!!

Naruto: -still being chased by Sakura and Konan- Rika are you having that time of the month too?

Chouji: Naruto you really are and idiot aren't you?

Rika: AHA!!! ANOTHER NEW BEST FRIEND!! NOW GO AND CHASE NARUTO FOR ME!!!

Chouji and Tenten both join the chase for Naruto. Shikamaru on the other hand has fallen asleep and Sasuke is off in the corner being his emo self. Sasori, Deidara, Hidan and Pein were able to escape the madness, while Kakashi and Kisame were video taping yet again. This went on for a good 2 hours before Itachi suddenly thought of an idea.

Itachi: Wait why are we doing this? We are the Akatsuki!!!

Rika: TOO BAD FOR YOU…'CAUSE GUESS WHAT? I JUST JOINED THE AKATSUKI!!!

Konan-who had stopped chasing Naruto-: What how is that possible?!?!

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!! Tobi likes Rika!! Rika is a good girl!!

Lee: She is also very youthful and I will protect her with my life!!

Rika: Another best friend! YEAH!! But the spandex and bowl cut will have to go. Oh and it seem someone will need to introduce you to tweezers.

Lee: BUT THEY ARE ALL SO YOUTHFUL!!!

Tenten: YES!! RIKA I LOVE YOU!!! I have been trying to fix him for the past…wait a second –counts on fingers- for the past 5 years!!

Chouji: Just do it.

Lee: -anime tears- Gai-sensei I refuse to change!!!

Lee then jumps out the window and runs far, far, far, FAR away.

Sakura: Hey Rika, I am sorry to say, but we really got to leave.

Rika: WHY?!?!

Sasuke: Because—

Rika: No one cares about you and your emoness!! Sakura explain!

Sakura: Yeah well we gotta get back for Tsunade or she might fire me and Ino and Hinata for being gone so long…Oh and everyone else will be in trouble too, but Sasuke is already in a bunch of trouble so it would just be worse.

Rika: -sigh- Fine I guess you guys can leave, but only because my holiday ends at sundown and it in now officially sundown.

The Leaf ninja: YEAH!!!

Akatsuki: DON'T LEAVE HER WITH US!!!

Sakura: Sorry Itachi gotta go bye!!

The Leaf ninja quickly run out of the Akatsuki hide out and all the way back to the village, where Kakashi posted the new video on youtube. Rika looks at the other Akatsuki members, who look like they are about ready to cry.

Rika: LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!!

Akatsuki: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

**Yup so there it is…will need more suggestions to continue writing though. :P**

**I really want to make the Akatsuki crumble…hehe crumble is a funny word…YUP so that's pretty much it for now…**

**Jam**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hahahaha I am back and ready to annoy the Akatsuki!!! Sorry it takes me so long to put up new chapters. I write them then put them up. I don't write ahead sorry. :P**

Yes so Tobi was walking around the hide out at 3 in the morning or so. Why? Because he had a bad dream and decided walking around in dark corridors would be better than trying to fall asleep again. Well as he walked by the window he noticed something, something very strange. He couldn't see anything, it was all white. Thinking that the sky was falling, he ran to go get Rika. (According to the last chapter she joined the Akatsuki)

Tobi: RIKA! RIKA! THE SKY IS FALLING!!

Rika: Tobi shut up!! It's 3 in the morning!! Go bother someone else!!

Rika rolled over and went back to sleep. Tobi still frightened ran into Hidan's room.

Tobi: HIDAN! HIDAN! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Hidan: FOR THE -censored- LOVE OF JASHIN!! IT IS –censored censored- 3 IN THE -censored- MORNING!!

Tobi was scarred so he ran to Konan; she would be nicer than the others…riiiiight?

Tobi: Konan! The sky is falling!!

Konan: Tobi it's just snowing…go back to sleep…

Tobi: But Tobi had a bad dream!

Konan: Ugh, fine come here…

Tobi: YEAH!!

Tobi jumps in the bed with Konan (not for that reason you pervs!! Tobi acts like a 6 year old) and instantly falls asleep. Around 4 hours later (now making it 7 in the morning for all those lazy people who don't want to do the math) Pein walks in to wake up Konan because he does that everyday (why, 'cause I say so)

Pein: KONAN! TOBI! WTF!!!

Tobi: HI LEADER!!!

Konan: Tobi had a bad dream again.

Pein: Oh well if that's it, Kisame is done making breakfast. Oh and we are also snowed in and there is no possible way for us to leave or anyone to come.

Yes they were snowed in. It was going to be a loooong day.

Zestu: My siblings!! They're gonna die!!

Kisame: SIBLINGS!?!?

Zestu: YES FREDRICK WILL DIE!! –holds out venus fly trap-

Sasori: Who names a plant Fredrick?

Itachi: And who names a puppet Rika?

Rika: Aww you named a puppet after me!

Deidara: No that usually means he will make you a puppet…

Rika: Oh…well then…

Tobi: Kisame has a fish named NEMO!!

Kisame: NO I DON'T!!

Konan: Yes you do.

Kisame: And you have a stuffed teddy bear named Pein…

Konan: N-no I d-don't!

Kisame: Wow you really do I was just making fun of you.

Konan: HIDAN WHERE IS YOUR FUN SHARP WEAPON THINGY!!!

Hidan: Wow that was such a threatening sentence…

Konan: WHY YOU!!! –chases Hidan, who is praying to Jashin to save him, around the room-

Pein: Well at least today started off like normal…

Later that day they all gathered into on room, the kitchen to be exact, because for an unexpected reason the heating turned off, and so did the electricity. So they all were there so they wouldn't die from hypothermia.

Tobi: Tobi is cold.

Zestu: So is everyone one else, and Fredrick got killed because of it!

Rika: Oh shut up already about your plant!

Itachi: We need to find a way to keep warm…and I refuse to touch anyone.

Tobi and Kisame: What! We can't hug you?

Sasori: Same here…that means you Deidara.

Deidara: Awww, no fun!

Pein: Konan, what is with that smirk?

Konan: Oh nothing…

Konan walks up slowly to Pein as he cowers in fear. She grab his wrist and drags hum out and away.

Tobi: LEADER!!

Deidara: Tobi you can't follow them!

Rika: Why can't he?

Deidara whispers something into Rika's ear. Rika blushes so red that she is the color of Sasori's hair.

Tobi: Rika can I follow them?

Rika: N-n-no T-tobi you c-can't.

Itachi: Rika, stuttering, it must be bad –rolls his eyes-

Rika: Fine then –whispers something to Itachi-

Itachi: I kind of guessed that –is bushing a slight pink, almost too light to notice-

Deidara: Itachi, are you blushing?

Itachi: Damn artists.

Kisame: WTF! Itachi can't blush!

Sasori: Apparently he can, especially when Sakura is around.

Hidan: Life would be much more interesting if all of them were here again…

Rika: You said a whole sentence without cussing!

Hidan: Shut the -censored- up!

Rika: I knew it was too good to be true…I know what we can do while we are here!!

Itachi: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Rika: If any of you move I will kill you…good so I was thinking I want to see what your best pick up lines are.

Kisame: Why?

Rika: Because I say so now go!

Tobi: Okay! I will go!! -cough- Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Rika: Wow that gets a 7!

Akatsuki: You're rating!?!?

Rika: Yes now hurry up!

Deidara: I have an owie on my hand, will you kiss it better?

Rika: Why your hand?

Deidara hold up one of his hands.

Rika: Oh well that get you a 6…

Hidan: Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you just remind me of myself.

Rika: That's a 2.

Itachi: Excuse me, I lost my number, can I borrow yours?

Rika: HOLY SHIT THAT'S A 10!!

Kisame: You look like a refreshing glass of water, and I am the thirstiest guy in the world!

Rika:…5…

Zestu: Hello, I just wanted to show this rose how beautiful you are.

Rika: Awww! 10!

Sasori: Go out with me or die.

Rika: Ehh I give it a 6, 'cause who's gonna turn down that offer.

Tobi: I know what Pein would say!

Rika: Okay do one for Pein…

Tobi: -cough and now speaking in Pein like voice- 'If being sexy is a crime, you are guilty as charged.'

Rika: O-kay…a 4…

Hidan: Kakuzu would say 'Your beauty was so distracting, it caused me to walk into a wall, so I'm gonna need your name and number…for insurance reasons.'

Rika: Who's Kakuzu?

Zestu: He's a member but he usually stays in a separate hide out so he can count his money.

(Those pick up lines provided by someone on DeviantArt)

Zestu: I'm hungary –looks at Kisame-

Kisame: Okay I'll make food.

Itachi: Kisame sit down you nearly blew up the kitchen for breakfast, so I'll make food.

Rika: Itachi cooks!?!?

Tobi: Yes it is really good too!

Rika: Damn Sakura…

Sasori: Did you say something.

Rika: Maybe I did and maybe I didn't!

Itachi: You said something along the lines of 'Damn Sakura' didn't you.

Rika: You must have supersonic hearing or something!

Itachi: No I have fan girls, such as the writer of this (me: Keep me out of this! And I am not a fan girl! You are just one of my favorite characters, same as Kiba and Sasori and Deidara…) Right…so yes I have fan girls.

Rika: I don't like you!

Itachi: Lie.

Rika: I like Zestu!

Itachi: Hmm it is possible, but my fan girl sense is never wrong.

Zestu: Really?

Rika: -blushes- yes…

Zestu: me too…

Rika and Zestu Walk out of the room hand in hand. Hmm kind of like Konan and Pein…They've been gone a while…oh well.

Deidara: Oh no!! We are gonna be next! –hugs Sasroi-

Sasori: There is no way I am leaving this room with you Deidara!

Deidara: -blushing- I didn't mean it that way!!

Tobi: Why won't you leave the room with Deidara?

Sasori: Because then we will end up like Pein and Konan or Zestu and Rika having s—

Sasori is cut of when Kisame tackles him.

Kisame: Shut up Sasori! Do you really want to have Tobi talking about anything else inappropriate…

_Flashback_

…

…_(you think of the possibilities)_

…

_End Flashback_

Sasori: Oh…

Rika and Zestu come back.

Kisame: That didn't take you two very long.

Rika: Well DUH!

Zestu: Yeah it was still fun.

Tobi: What was fun?

Rika: We went and made s—

Rika was cut off by Kisame jumping on her.

Rika: What the hell was that for!?!?

Kisame: Don't tell him anything inappropriate!

Zestu: You thought we had s—

Kisame: Don't say it!!

Rika: You pervs!! We made snowmen!!

Tobi: How do you make snowmen?

Rika grabs his and Zestu's hand and they go outside to make snowmen. Eventually everyone comes out to play on the snow, which of course leads to a snowball fight -cough-Deidara-cough-

Eventually it gets too cold and they go in and drink hot chocolate and light a fire in the fireplace, and they all drift off on the couches and chairs…

**Yup so that's what I thought of! I really need suggestions, because I'm not sure what else to do to this story. I really appreciate all the reviews!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy St. Patrick's Day! Oh and Happy belated Pi Day! Almost forgot about that…so I am back! I want to thank all my lovely reviewers again!**

**I don't think I have ever actually clarified this, but I do not own Naruto! Even though I wish I did. But I do own this story that you happen to be reading.**

Oh how Sasori despised this day, filled with all its cheer and green and alcohol. If you haven't already guessed it was St. Patrick's Day and the reason Sasori hated it was because it was the only day he couldn't hide his true identity. Yes Sasori is a Leprechaun.

Oh how he hated the fact he had to shrink and have his ears turn pointy, but the worst part was he had to hide a pot of gold and make sure no one would find it. He really hated his parents right now. Sasori was walking through the halls attempting to avoid the other Akatsuki members, but his plans were ruined when Deidara tackled him.

Deidara: SASORI! Wait a second did you shrink?

Sasori: Deidara get off me.

Sasori pushed Deidara off and continued walking down the hall when Tobi appeared tackling Sasori.

Tobi: SASORI! Wait did Sasori get shorter?

Sasori: Tobi get off of me.

Tobi stood up and when Sasori got up, Deidara was next to them. Tobi randomly hugged them, nearly breaking their backs.

Tobi: HAPPY PI DAY!

Deidara: Can't…breath…Tobi…

Tobi let go of them.

Sasori: It's not Pi day Tobi…

Tobi: It's not Pi day?

Sasori: That was a few days ago…Today is St. Patrick's Day.

Tobi: THEN HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Deidara: Tobi calm down!

Sasori: There is nothing happy about St. Patrick's Day!

Sasori then stormed off, with his cloak trailing behind him. Tobi and Deidara were confuddled so they went to talk to Rika, maybe she would know.

Tobi and Deidara: RIKA! RIKA! DO YOU KNOW WHY SASORI HATES ST. PATRICK'S DAY?

Rika: Shut UP! Okay well isn't it obvious?

Tobi and Deidara: O.o

Rika: -sigh- what am I going to do with you idiots…Sasori is a Leprechaun, so he hates St. Patrick's Day.

All the other Akatsuki members walk in just in time to hear the last part.

Zestu: Sasori's a WHAT?

Pein: Yes he is a Leprechaun, it was in his application.

Kakuzu: Does that mean he has a pot of gold?

Itachi: It would seem so.

Pein, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu looked at each other, smirked and ran off in different directions. They were going to find that gold one way or another. Deidara, Tobi, Konan, Rika, Zestu and Itachi just shrugged and went on with their normal activities.

Now back to Sasori…

Sasori had hidden his gold in the only place he knew no one would look. Yes you guess correctly, he hid it in Rika's closet. No one would dare step into her room, with the exception of Zestu or a complete idiot or even a very desperate Sasori. But besides that he had to stay away from everyone so he wouldn't have to tell anyone where his gold was. Thank Jashin for ninja training, and a not so happy to be captured and disguised Kankuro who would also be running around the hide out.

Sasori was able to steer clear of the other Akatsuki members for quite a while. Well he was until the ever energetic Tobi glomped him…

Tobi: SASORI! TOBI HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE!

Sasori: Great the gold goes to an idiot.

Tobi: I get gold? But I wanted sake…

Sasori: Wait I thought you were a good boy and didn't drink sake?

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy! Tobi likes sake! So does Tsunade!

Sasori: But Tsunade isn't here.

Tobi: Yes she is! Tobi had to find you to tell you about the party!

Before Sasori could reply Tobi was dragging him off towards the meeting room. When they got there Tsunade was there, and so was Sakura.

Tsunade: Good work Tobi, here is some sake.

Tobi: SAKE!

Sasori: Wait why are only you two here.

Tsunade: We need that gold Sasori…

Sakura: And I missed Itachi!

Too bad for Sakura because Itachi had been knocked out when he refused to help Kisame search for gold.

Tsunade: Sakura Itachi is actually bust right now so you are here to beat the snot out of Sasori if he doesn't lead us to the gold.

Sasori and Sakura: NOT AGAIN!

Tsunade: Sasori show us where the gold is!

Poor Sasori, he sighed and started leading them through the maze like hallways until they came to Rika's room. When they got there they heard noises coming from inside…

Rika: Oh! My! God! Zestu!

Zestu: Quiet down Rika do you want everyone to know!

Rika: I don't care if they know!

Tsunade, Sakura, and Sasori turned bright red. Sakura and Tsunade pushed Sasori forward. He knocked loudly on the door. Rika and Zestu opened the door.

Sasori: Are you alright in there –still blushing-

Rika: YES! WE FOUND THE GOLD!

Tsunade: WHAT?

Rika: Yeah Sasori hid it in my room…Wait you were in my room!

Sasori smiled and then ran down the hallway in a flash, with Rika hot on his tail. Tsunade started crying for all the trouble and sake she gave up to get the gold, while Sakura skipped off happily to find Itachi. On her way she didn't expect to run into a completely drunk Kisame.

Kisame: Hhhey pinky…lllooking hot.

Sakura: Apparently you have been drinking…have you seen Itachi?

Kisame: I hhhave not been ddddrinking!

Sakura: Have you seen Itachi?

Kisame: I sssaw him a wwwhile ago…Deidara wwwas trying to get in hhhhis pants.

Sakura pushed Kisame aside, making him fall face first onto the cold, hard, stone floor, but Sakura didn't care…There was no way Ino's older brother was going to have gay fun with her boyfriend. She opened the door to where she knew they would be.

Sakura: Deidara stop being gay!

Deidara wasn't even in the room; only Itachi was…a very schmexy looking Itachi…a very shirtless, schmexy Itachi.

Itachi: Hey Sakura, happy St. Patrick's Day!

Sakura fainted, leaving a very confuddled Itachi and a drunk, laughing Kisame out in the hallway with a broken nose.

Tsunade eventually came in glaring at Itachi muttering not so nice words under her breath about Rika and Zestu and Tobi. She saw Sakura and apologized to Itachi about the short visit, also telling him to put on a shirt and stating it was a wonder the poor girl didn't suffer from a nose bleed. She slung the pink haired girl over her shoulder, sighed, gave him a wink and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Itachi now bored went to continue to drink multiple amount of sake with Hidan and Deidara, hoping Deidara wouldn't try to make another move on him in his drunken state.

**Ehh it's kinda short but I ran out of ideas, and I didn't really have a whole lot of time left to write anymore or come up with anymore ideas so this is what you get…**

**And now a special word from Sasori!**

**Sasori: Jam do I have to.**

**Yes! And NOW a special word from Sasori!**

**Sasori: Hey Happy St. Patrick's Day and I would appreciate if you reviewed! Come on please review! She made me a Leprechaun for Jashin's sake!**

**Lurv you all**

**Jam**


	6. Chapter 6

HI

**HI!! I am going to apologize now to assassinator.bunny for not using your first idea, because I kinda sold it to the devil and am using your second idea! So remember I am your friend and don't assassinate me in the middle of the night. Yup so that's pretty much all I have to say…for now.**

Tobi and Deidara were sitting on a couch watching the end of The Devil Wears Prada. Deidara was wiping away the few tears that decorated his face, and Tobi was watching Deidara do this confuddled.

Tobi: Why is Deidara crying?

Deidara: I am not crying I am having an allergic reaction!

Tobi: So what is Deidara allergic to?

Deidara: Happy endings -sigh-

Tobi: So there shouldn't be happy endings?

Deidara: No there should be happy endings!

Tobi: But Deidara said that he is allergic to happy endings?

Deidara: But they are so happy!

Tobi just nodded his head and quickly ran out of the room leaving a confuddled Deidara wondering about what Tobi was going to do this time. Like last time after watching Pirates of the Caribbean he dressed and talked like a pirate for weeks. Well it wasn't Deidara's problem now.

Going through Tobi's mind was how he could make everything have happy endings. Just like in the movies! He decided he would help Kakuzu have a happy ending first.

Kakuzu: Tobi get out of my room!

Tobi: Don't you want a happy ending?

Kakuzu: …yes?

Tobi: Good because Tobi is going to be a good boy and count your money for you!

Tobi grabs Kakuzu's money and starts counting it. He would count one bill and through it somewhere…that somewhere happened to be in the fire place.

Kakuzu: Tobi!! MY LIFE SAVINGS!!

Tobi: -done counting and burning money- See Tobi is a good boy and now you have a happy ending!

Tobi skipped out of the room happily while Kakuzu mourned. Tobi thought about who to help next. His next victim, I mean person he was going to help, would be Sasori.

Sasori: Tobi I would feel more comfortable if you didn't come into my workshop.

Tobi: But Tobi wants to help Sasori make puppets! And help him have a happy ending!

Sasori: -sigh- If you really want to help you can start by—

Tobi: YEAH!!

Tobi starts attempting to fix Sasori's puppets…by detaching all of their limbs and removing all the weapons, while dressing them up in pretty costumes and painting them. When they all looked like puppet show puppets Tobi stopped. Waving to Sasori, who was going into shock, and left. Sasori fell to the ground hyperventilating. Tobi then went to see Kisame.

Tobi: Kisame! Tobi is here to help you have a happy ending!!

Kisame: Save me! Tobi don't you dare touch—

But he was too late Tobi had already completely destroyed Kisame's huge kickass sword **(which I cannot remember the name of to save my life and no this is not giving any of you the opportunity to kill me)**

Tobi: Have a happy ending!

Kisame was crying and rocking back and forth repeating the phrase: I am in my happy place…I will not kill Tobi…I can get another sword…

Tobi was so happy to be able to make everyone else happy! But he still had Pein, Konan, Zestu, Rika, Deidara, Hidan and Itachi left. So he decided to help Rika next.

Tobi: RIKA!!

Rika: Tobi will you be quiet!

Tobi: Tobi wants to help Rika have a happy ending!

Rika: If I agree to this will you go away…

Tobi: YUP!

Rika: Fine…

Tobi smiled and decided to help Deidara at the same time, so he went and got all of Deidara's clay and put it in Rika's room, made the hand signs and blew it up.

Rika: TOBI! WHAT! DID! YOU! DO!

Tobi: Tobi made it easier to clean Rika's room and gave Rika and Deidara a happy ending!

Rika was about to strangle Tobi when he disappeared…Rika realized something though, if she had no room she could stay with Zestu, this made her smile. Too bad for her Tobi came back and knocked her out, bound and gagged her, stuffed her in a box and shipped her off to Suna. Tobi just gave Zestu his happy ending.

Next on Tobi's list was Hidan. He went and found him praying. Tobi appeared and surprised him right as he was finishing a very important ritual.

Hidan: Tobi now Jashin will make me sacrifice a whole village to make up for this!

Tobi: Oh well Tobi is trying to give Hidan a happy ending! I will get your scythe!

Tobi quickly got it and broke it into a million little pieces. Hidan hit his head on the floor cussing Tobi to Jashin.

Hidan: Tobi now how am I going to sacrifice to Jashin!

Tobi: My work here is done!!

Tobi left before Hidan could attempt to sacrifice him. And now onto Itachi! He noticed Itachi had been depressed lately so he called Sakura and told her to come over Itachi was depressed. Sakura was there in a flash and he let them be. So now onto Konan and Pein.

Konan was in her room doodling when Tobi walked in.

Tobi: Konan those are such pretty doodles of Pein!

Konan: Tobi! I thought we talked about knocking!

Tobi: Happy ending! You need one!

Before Konan could respond Tobi grabbed her doodles of Pein and ran out of the room. She chased after him. Tobi ran to Pein and shoved the doodles in his face.

Tobi: Konan drew these!

Pein: Konan!

Konan: Tobi -pant- you are on -pant- my hit list!

Pein: Konan did you really draw these?

Konan: …maybe.

Tobi: YEAH HAPPY ENDING!!

Konan left embarrassed and Pein hid the pictures, also embarrassed. Tobi was happily skipping down the hall thinking about all the good thing he had done. He turned a corner only to be tackled by Deidara.

Deidara: Tobi you idiot! Happy ending aren't in real life!

Tobi: But I made everyone happy!

Deidara: No you made everyone depressed and angry! There is no such thing as a happy ending.

Deidara and Tobi walked into the kitchen. Tobi was still depressed until he saw the scene in front of him.

Tobi: See Deidara! There is such a thing as a happy ending!

Tobi said this while pointing to Itachi and Sakura who were making out on the kitchen island. Deidara was in shock as he attempted to cover Tobi's eyes and get out of there with out Tobi learning anything else he didn't need to know.

**It was short-ish but that's okay with me. Oh I almost forgot…Tobi do you want to say it?**

**Tobi: YES!! HAPPY EASTER!!**

**Well almost at least…so tell, how should Rika get back? And who should Deidara end up being paired with? Sooo…**

**Tobi: REVIEW PLEASE!! TOBI AND JAM WOULD BE REALLY HAPPY IF YOU DID SO!!**

**Jam**


End file.
